So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
