So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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