I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
