Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
