garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
