what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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