dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
