Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
