Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
