Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
