I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
