You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just google imaged poop.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
