when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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