He had one of those small greek statue penises
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
