I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
