He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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