Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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