I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
