Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
