Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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