Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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