You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
