apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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