Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
