Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did I show you my penis last night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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