the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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