im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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