i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
