Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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