Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
