Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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