So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
