I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
