I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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