if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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