my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am midnight drunk by noon
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
