Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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