Say something about gay babies.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
