I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
