oh god the rape fog is back!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
