we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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