They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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