the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
