I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
