3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
