College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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