be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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