So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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