haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
