We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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