Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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