Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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