dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
