its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
