Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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