This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
