he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
