He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
