Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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