What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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