It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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