You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
