Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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