we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I would fuck him just for his dog
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