you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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