Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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