New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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