I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
