woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i can't believe i had my finger in that
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
