Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
